rant whine 'splain espouse: Spiraling chaos

Saturday, January 07, 2006

Spiraling chaos

According to LiveJournal user foundphoto4life, "my friend sarah new hampshire found a journal in a box in a junkyard. there were pictures inside of the girl who wrote it. shes made a livejournal in the name of girl and has been posting some entries from it. its crazy!"

I don't know if it's real or not, but it's convincingly well-written if it's fiction.

Quite a few years ago I realized that I had to consciously divorce chaotic people from my life. I had been affected in extremely negative ways too often by the type of people who thrive on chaos, and I resloved to avoid those types in future.

The turning point was being in a serious relationship with a manic depressive (that was not her only problem, just the main one) who was only happy when she was unhappy. Leaving her house late one night, after apologizing for the umpteenth time for starting a fight I hadn't started, I had the gut-wrenching realization that I was beginning to hate the person I loved.

I've known a lot of chatoic people in my life, and of course some of those relationships are not as bad as others, are still worthwhile even with the all the headaches they can cause. But one of the most important life lessons I've ever ever learned was that sometimes it's just not worth it anymore. You have to have enough self-respect to protect yourself and your sanity and sometimes that means just saying, "I don't need this person in my life anymore."

This girl's lj makes some of the chaotic people I've known look like saints. Here's a sample:

"... i guess i should explain myself. the past couple of entries i've written have been jumbled and infused by crystal meth. they are ramblings that make no sense out of the moments in time they were spewed out of me... i didn't mean for this to happen and now i am being swallowed whole..."